The “Khan” effect

Judging by what happened yesterday, I would say US Airport Officials want us to believe that regardless of background or qualifications, anyone with the last name of “Khan” could possibly be a potential terrorist wanting to blow up all of America.

While news channels in different countries portrayed the event – the detention of Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan – as either “humiliating” (as per the Indian media) or “a dramatic over-reaction” (as per the pro-American news channels), what this really shows is how fundamentally flawed the American so-called counter-terrorism intelligence really is.

I mean firstly, not only did they manage to attack and invade a sovereign country under the pretext of non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction (does anyone even remember that anymore?) and defend that claim for over a year, but when the truth finally did come out in 2004 – that, in fact, there really was no WMD and that the intelligence was seriously flawed – they conceded that damage was already done. And that they now had stay in order to “stabilize” a country they originally invaded on stupid intelligence.

And coming back to the present, now because Mr. Khan is a global celebrity with good political connections, he was just ‘taken aside’ for questioning and released with the full support of the Indian Embassy 2hours later.
But I shudder to think what would have become of the more common Khan – one who is not so well connected to people in high places.
Would he have been held for days, maybe weeks for the “secondary questioning”?
Or maybe even sent to Guantanamo Bay, just like the countless other innocents languishing for years there, held without any charge?

Regardless of whatever “its-all-for-security” reasons anyone gives, if a computer turns up someone’s name just because of their cultural or religious affiliation without any other basis, it shows how pathetic the whole system really is. I mean seriously, do they program those things to turn red and sound alarm bells just because someone’s NAME sounds funny?

For that, they might as well put up a sign that says,
”People named Khan, Muhammed, or Abdullah not allowed without additional verification”.

And if that’s how they are going to keep their citizens safe anymore, they really shouldn’t call themselves “The Land of The Free” anymore.

Update, 24Aug:
After extensive reading, I find out that there *is* such a thing as a "No-Fly List" in the United States and Canada, detailing names - and nothing more - of passengers who are, quite simply, not allowed to fly. Over time, this list is rumored to have grown to over a million names (although this claim is officially denied) and poses significant hinderance to the common person who unfortunately happens to shares their name with someone on the list.
In such cases, the person is expected to prove that "I am not him/her" using a variety of identification methods, and apparently almost always leads to delays/missed flights for such people.

Rich guy, Poor guy

I don’t do this a lot, and I’m guessing its maybe because of the financial crisis thingy, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about money. And the way I see it, you have at least three kinds of rich people in India; though this is probably true all over the world.


1. The illegally rich
As in filthy rich. And I don’t mean that metaphorically. We all know who they are; dirty politicians, the shady guys up in government, the underworld, the over-paid who don’t do their taxes, all the guys who in fact have our money and we don’t do anything about because in a way, we almost expect politicans to be corrupt.


2. The legally rich
These guys are real rich too – except that they get their dough through legal means (which unfortunately includes movie stars, but then that is legal), pay their taxes and sometimes even set up institutes of social welfare. This is a minority; but hey, as long as they have money and know what to do with it, I don’t really mind.


3. The pseudo-rich
This is the part that bothers me. And this is also where most okay-to-do families in our traditional society fit in, because these people don’t have the money for their extravagant quests but they pretend as if they do.
If you’re still wondering, these are the idiots who spend around a million rupees on a wedding; pathetic losers who spend over 4 million on a stupid 2 bedroom apartment on a marshy swampland at an hour’s drive from the city; and throw away unspeakable amounts into medical school admissions.

Now, this maybe fine if you have the money; but I call these guys idiots because they don’t – and do all this just so they “fit in” with society.

I recently met someone whose family had to come up with a 100 sovereign of gold jewelry for a wedding. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term; a sovereign is 8grams, so this works out to nearly a KILO OF GOLD!).
I mean come on, who does she think she is; Paris Hilton?

And why does this happen? Because people believe in the equally brainless justification of it:
“That’s how marriages are arranged, you need that much gold”

I simply believe they are idiots.
After all, when you think about it - you can’t really have a need to spend money you don’t have.

Its time to start rethinking all this.
And the current financial crisis is the perfect place to start.

Indian girls are LOUD!

Er…no offense to any of the ladies but I’m sorry, this is something that gets me annoyed every single time I get on the bus for groceries on my way home from work.

I guess its fair game to state that we as Indians are known for our ‘social’ nature; we chat with perfect strangers on trains and busses, play games and sing songs during fun college trips, even play games that involve singing songs and the like; but I think its only right that living in a foreign land means showing a bit of respect for the local culture.

In this case; the fact that the only things Germans are fond of on public transport are reading or staring out at the window with the earphones plugged in.

Anyway, every time I take the bus – the 72 towards Russelsheim – I almost feel like I’m back in India the moment I step in.
This bus is half full of girls (alright, women!) chatting away non-stop in Hindi, usually with a Bollywood song playing in the background from someone’s I-wanna-flaunt-it mobile phone. More often than not, there’s one member of the party stuck in the middle of the bus, but not that this stops these girls (women, okay!) from shouting out to them halfway across the bus, as if the rest of us were stone deaf or something.

And I’m no expert, but I'm guessing people think they can be loud just because apparently no one else understand a word of Hindi.
Well I’ve got news for them:
People know exactly what they mean because, though I didn’t wanna say it this way, the Hindi (or Tamil) we speak, is so far out from the original and has so many English words that anyone can get a fairly good idea of what’s going on.

I mean come on, when you point to someone and say,
“Dhek, uski eye color blue hai”,
…it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure what you’re talking about!

The height of this fiasco is reached when the bus gets to the stop of their hotel and some of them realize they’re already there only when the first half of the party is already outside, and then jumps back in to shout out to the rest to get off. Seriously, I’ve seen circus clowns less hilarious than this!

I think that just because we’re a social lot doesn’t give us the right to abuse upon those of others – and create a thoroughly negative impact on our culture in the process.

I’d also like to think of this as social service, so in case you know someone who’s loud, I please suggest that you print this out, and leave it on their desk or someplace they’d see it.

Particularly  if they happen to work in the Avionics Training Center in Kelsterbach and take the RMV 72 to Mercure Wings Hotel, Raunheim at 5:42PM everyday.

I’d really appreciate if they could read this.J

The Blame Game

(Technically, this post should’ve actually been on Broken Fishtank which is the usual place I write stuff like this, but I just did a post there yesterday and I don’t want it to sink to second place already.

This is going to be a long post; and a serious one. If you’re busy now, please come back and read it later. But I do implore you to not skip paragraphs)


I’m probably the last guy on the planet to write on the recent Mumbai attacks, nearly two weeks after the whole thing was over; but in a way it got me thinking about a lot of stuff we seem to take for granted…including who we routinely blame for it.

First off, the politicians who are a bunch of idiots and we all know this. In fact, we know better because we’re the ones who put them up there in the first place, so in a way, we’re to blame for it.

And who can forget the “Deccan Mujahideen” who supposedly claimed responsibility for the attack…and then the media went into overdrive with home-grown terror.
Until someone was intelligent enough to expose this as a bad joke by some prankster, every news channel in India (and even CNN, but I don’t count that) was sure it was the Deccan Mujahideen based on one pathetic Email anyone could have sent.

…why?
Because Muslims were the bad guys. Muslims were the terrorists. Muslims were the people who like to blow up stuff.

Quickly, give me a no-hard-feelings answer: what’s the first image to pop into your head when you hear the word “terrorist”?

If you get an Osama-bin-Laden-look-alike with a turban, a long beard, wearing a robe, you’ve hit home base – along with a million others.

Now here’s where it starts getting confusing, because if you look at the one picture of the terrorist we’ve seen far too times on TV, there was no turban, the guy was wearing a black tee, cargo jeans and (gasp!) no beard. And then you have this other report that the terrorists apparently had stashed up 3days worth of food; chicken and liquor!

The chicken part, I buy, but alcohol?
I’m no expert but I’m guessing you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure who the only terrorists who don’t drink by principle – as opposed to not drink before an attack – are!

Now I’m not denying or alleging anything, but for all we know, they could have been college-dropouts or unemployed graduates taking out their frustration to the world…and the fact remains that no one still knows who the attackers were or where they came from or what they wanted (despite what you see on TV) but what makes me mad is that we’re quick to again blame the Muslims for it.

And again, why?
Because hey, if it’s not them, who else could it be?

In fact, a while ago during another bombing, an Indian news-magazine ran a story with the racist headline: “All Muslims may not be terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslim”.
Note here how the LTTE, The Naxalites, the IRA of Ireland and the FARC of South America all suddenly cease to become terrorist organizations just because apparently in someone’s mind; only Muslims do all the dirty work; with the dislodging clause that, “well, maybe not all of them though”

And thus, effectively alienate part of society by calling them the bad guys, throwing the blame on them and view them with suspicion at every turn in society.

No, it does NOT feel nice to be looked at as part of the problem and a potential terrorist when you have nothing to do with it.

In short: terrorists are our common enemies…and you can’t fight them by blaming a community or a country or a religion for it and alienating them.
Regardless of whether they are “jihadists” – that’s the usual term; or RSS extremists – we’ve seen this in the Melagon attacks; or by the United States – which pokes into Iraq, Afghanistan and pretty much the rest of the world; call a terrorist a terrorist.

And unite to fight them.

Wedded flabs

Actually I don’t think I’m the first person to write on this; quite a while back ela wrote this post on how people tend to put on the pounds after they get married, but I only got to find out how true this is when I was in Chennai a couple of weeks ago for my best friend’s wedding.

Almost every one of my friends who got married have put on like a ton or something…and the worst part was that no one had the slightest remorse about looking like a hot air balloon!

A friend of mine (who, incidentally, is also a dad now congratulations!) shrugged it off with a, “Dude, I’m married, this stuff is normal after you get married…you’ll see”.

No I do not see.
And I honestly don’t think there is anything ‘normal’ about inflating yourself just because you’re walking the path of bliss, and don’t have to worry about looks anymore.

Although I guess, the “look-good-feel-good” theory probably doesn’t apply here. Most newly-weds are happy with the…you know, and also the good food that comes along; with loving care too, I might add.
But I’m thinking it’s not just the food that’s causing all this. Because in spite of their high-fat, high-meat-content food, most Europeans seem to live healthier lifestyles because they do something about it. I mean, my boss is over 40 and she goes rock climbing. Most of our guys on the other hand, prefer to come home to coffee and hot samosas instead.

All fun things said and done, here’s a serious fact:
Asians (and Africans too, but I’m guessing not too many people from the Dark Continent are reading this) are more susceptible to diabetes than say, the white folks…because for something to do with genetics and stuff.
And I’m not messing you; this is a medical fact for real.

Also, I don’t know about the numbers but more and more people are starting to suffer from heart disease and diabetes than just one generation ago; and this has nothing to do with genetics. Its all to do with what we eat; how much we eat; and what we do about it.

Married or not. :)

Pulling the plug...

...on Chennai's most popular Mall, Spencer Plaza!

Even though the city is now coming up with more hip places to 'hang out', my personal favorite will always be Spencer Plaza; for the shear variety you find...from the ultra high-end speciality audio studios and fashion outlets to the tiny side stores in the aisles where you pick tees for a hundred rupees (not to mention Samosas and chai) and everything in between!

That's why I make it a point to go there every time I'm in Chennai. Other places like CitiCenter and all look really aloof with their extravagant architecture and terribly expensive fashion outlets with prices that rival their European counterparts...and I really wonder who actually shops there.

Which is why I was more than a little annoyed to find out that the government is stupidly cutting power supply to the mall everyday between 6 and 9pm everyday in order to meet demands. EVERYDAY!

Actually something like this has been apparently going on for quite a while now; ever since this summer when record power shortages forced offices to send employees home early, industries to cut back on production and households to forgo electricity for upto 8hrs a day. Of course, such "load shedding" is common in India during the peak summer months, but is usually limited to an hour's supply of domestic power with little or no impact on commercial establishments.

But when you have this trend falling through all the way into winter and having to force major retail chains to close their outlets at malls during the busiest hours on a weekend...you know there is something seriously wrong with the city.

I mean, stopping commercial establishments from doing business at the best time of the day is honestly the stupidest thing I can think of...with or without any power shortage. 

A friend of mine recently wrote this post on India being a developing country; but the way things are now, whatever is the reverse of development is what is going on right now.

I sincerely hope the guys sitting up there in Parliament haven't traded their brains for baloney sandwiches yet; but in case they have, I have news for them:

The rest of us down here are ashamed of you!

Government under-sight may have caused it, but cutting down on progress is not a solution or even a workaround. 

It is plain stupidity.

“Smokers are brainless idiots!”

I’m sorry if you’re smoker and just read this, but I’m not taking it back. This is exactly how I feel about every single person who lights up a cigarette during the course of his day.
Brainless idiots.
So there!

Now, I don’t want to go into all the already-well-published details on the why’s and how’s of smoking being bad and all that – I guess anyone with the intelligence of a humming bird knows that smoking kills. But that’s not my problem.

My problem is, people’s attitude towards smoking and smokers.
Despite it being the most universal of ‘undesirable’ habits (of course in my book, alcoholism, drug abuse and indiscriminate sexual behavior also top the lists but I guess different cultures have different levels of tolerances towards these), I count around 65% of young people here in Hessen with a cigarette in hand and not a care in the world.

And, no one’s saying much either. Last October, Germany passed a law making it a crime to smoke in public buildings – such as restaurants, hotel lobbies and offices. But while anti-smoking advocates were high-fiving each other, the lobbyists made sure that what made the final bill was the word “public buildings” and not “public” – which meant that you could smoke anywhere as long as you weren’t inside anyplace.

And that makes me mad because what this shows is tolerance towards this despicable habit. I don’t know about most other people but I have zero-tolerance towards anyone who smokes.
I yank cigarettes out of my friends’ hands and crush them underfoot.
I make rude remarks at smokers at restaurants.
When in a group, I refuse to pay for anyone’s cigarettes.

And I guess everyone needs to do their part.
Maybe by hanging a board at the door that says, “Smokers and dogs not welcome here”, you’re not helping the guy quit; but at least by letting them know we don’t like it, and maybe, just maybe it might make a difference.

And for all the smokers reading this; I’ve just two words to say to you:
Go quit.

Because the rest of us think you’re brainless idiots!

Generation 'Why'

Note: This is going to be a controversial issue, so if you don’t like controversies, you’re probably not going to like this. Just a disclaimer before we start.

I don’t watch MTV all that often (heck I don’t even watch much TV anymore but that’s a different story) but being one of only 3 English channels my run-down satellite receiver picks – the rest being in Deutsch, Italiano, Francias and Espanol – I am forced to watch it, especially after a hard day’s work when you don’t feel like touching a computer again.

And apparently MTV wants us to believe that there are only three things worth living for:
Sex.
The opposite sex.
And more sex.

I don’t mean to advertise, but here’s a list of some popular programs you find…and an explanation of what they’re all about:

1. Next
Five guys competing for one girl (or the other way around) trying to win their hearts (or in any case money – a dollar for every minute you last on the date) before their prospective date ditches them and calls for “next”.

2. Date my Mom
Simply put, this is the most disgusting show I’ve ever seen. Guy wants girl, so he tries to ‘size her up’ by dating her mom to get a feel for what the girl would be like. If he’s lucky, he strikes two.

3. Parental Control
The guy’s folks don’t like his girlfriend (or the other way around with girl’s folks hating her boyfriend) so they decide to ‘find’ someone better and set them up on a date. Two dates later, the guy chooses if he wants to a) switch girls or b) keep his girl or c) ditch them all.

4. A shot at love
This show takes gross to a whole new sick height. Without going into the details, I’d just like to mention that in this show, the term “couple” does not necessarily mean people of the opposite gender…or just ‘two’ people. I leave the rest to your imagination.

5. Flavor of Love
Flavor of sensuality is more like it. This is another sick show where girls attend a ‘school’ where they ‘learn’ the tricks of the trade. You get it, right?


I’ll stop it now.
Reading back at the stuff I’ve written above; it almost sounds like porn. And I really wonder because all this isn’t stuff you get off dirty DVDs; they show this on prime time television all hours of the day (of course after eleven it gets worse…I don’t even wanna write about it)

Which brings me to an important question. Why is all of this happening?
The answer I got was simple: Why not?

Because when you remove the limitations set by God or by society or even by yourself; you don’t even have to answer that question anymore…you don’t have to ask, ‘why’? You just do it.
This is the future:
Generation ‘Why Not’

And it doesn’t look pretty.

A meter Matter

I don’t know how many people realize this (or even care to bother), but come 26th and it would be exactly 5 months to the day when autorickshaw meters were made “mandatory and non-negotiable” on the streets of Chennai.
5 months and several pot holes later, things are no different.

For those of you who don’t live in Chennai (or wondering what the hell an autorickshaw meter is), here’s some update:I guess it is safe to declare auto drivers as the most despicable, hated, and rude people in all of Chennai (since how much you pay depends on various factors like what language you speak, what you wear, and how lost you look) and anyway, someone decided to bring back order by revising tariff and making meters on autorickshaws mandatory. Of course, passing a law is only one side of the story. The other side, is implementing it.
Surprisingly, that went on pretty well too. Every auto rickshaw (can we just call them ‘autos’?; I’m getting tired of typing ‘autorickshaw’ all the time) fitted with a mechanical meter was given a revised fare-sheet and a deadline to go digital. Any auto already fitted with a digital meter had to get recalibrated and re-certified.

Then, they figured, things would 'auto'matically (pun intended!) fall into place with auto drivers charging you by the meter - not a rupee more, not a rupee less. They would benefit from the transparent system and we would go home happy knowing we didn't pay 30bucks more than the other guy for the same distance. Too good to be true?

Yeah, right. For the rest of us its a different story. Ask any auto driver to charge you by the meter, and you get laughed in your face. Or maybe insulted. In fact one guy went as far as to explain why they couldn’t use digi-meters: Apparently the IC goes haywire after a few potholes and ends up running crazy. Now that’s an answer worth an electronics engineer!

Anyway jokes apart, the law is still in place, meters still run but we still pay by their own rules.

And unless something concrete is done soon, the Meter is still a mile away!

Hel (met) of a Law!

This just in:
The latest crime spree doing the streets of Chennai is not flicking wallets or cell phones; it’s something much ridiculous – helmets. Yup you heard right, the latest fashion accessory sporting everyone’s head ever since the helmet law came in two days ago was reported to be the most frequently stolen item. And that’s just in two days!

For the uninitiated, Chennai’s just taken the plunge to make roads much er…safer by re-introducing the compulsory helmet-for-everyone law since June 1. That means, every single person – rider or passenger – on a bike will have to either wear one or risk getting caught red handed (not to mention bare-headed! :-0) .

Now on the face of it, this sounds like a pretty good idea. But when you get down to it, Chennai’s not exactly known for its one-person-per-bike phenomenon. That means either the bike owner buys a couple of spare helmets for the occasional backseat rider or everyone in town buys (and carries) one since you never know when you might need a lift and if the other guy has a helmet or not.

And oh yes, we’re forgetting something else. What about whole families that sometimes travel together? Yup, the wife, kids and sometimes the mother-in-law, all on the same bike (trust me, this really happens in Chennai) with helmets on them…kind of crams up the headroom.

Don’t get me wrong: Helmets are a great invention. Yes, helmets save lives; more than people think. A cousin of mine owes his life to a helmet that saved him in a bike accident a couple of years ago.
But with any invention, forcing a law onto people is not gonna make things safer. It has to come from within.

The Real Terrorist

For those of you who came in late, three days ago on the 16^th of April, a masked gunman stormed into a classroom at Virginia Tech University and opened fire, killing 32 of his fellow students and a professor.

Worldwide condemnations of this shoot-out occurred instantly and while every news-channel and publication worth its name ran headlines of the “horrific” incident and the “worst violence since the Columbine High School massacre” and all that jazz, in case you haven’t noticed, NO ONE called him a terrorist.

And he wasn’t. He was just a South Korean student, your everyday boy-next-door who was a “loner” and “disturbed by the rich kids” so he decided to take them out.

You know, when I heard the news, the first thing that came into my mind was, please don’t let him be Arab.
Hypothetically, assuming that he had been somebody else, say some guy named Muhammed-Al-Something or Ahmed-bin-Something-Else, the news would have been dramatically different.

Everyone would have been talking about the ‘latest terror attack against America’…

President Bush would have made statements to continue the War on Terror…

The news channels and papers would have published long and scary articles on the spread of religious terror and why it wasn’t safe for anyone anymore…

Yup, things would’ve been so different. But they aren’t. Why? Because the guy involved was a South Korean instead of an Arab, so we can go to sleep tonight thinking this is just an isolated incident about a ‘disturbed’ kid instead of a worldwide plot to spread fundamentalist terror.

Double standards for terror? I don’t know.

But guess that kind of makes the terrorist feel like a “loner” too…

Happy Women’s Day!

No offense to the ladies, but can someone tell me er…why exactly are we celebrating this?

Now relax, there’s no need to get all worked up about this one guy who can’t even appreciate the wonders of womanhood or whatever, but seriously, I fail to see the point.

True, women are now doctors, teachers, engineers (not to mention software architects ;-), even nuclear scientists and astronauts.

But when it comes to the glamorous world of entertainment, women today are more than ever, being projected as worth nothing more than an object. Check out the fashion industry (watch FTV with your family, for instance), check out the music industry, how about advertisement, or a steamy movie…
I really will not agree that Britney Spears or Shakira are famous because they can sing.
Not will I agree that Mallika Sharawat or Pamela Anderson is a brilliant actor

The fact is that freedom can be brainwashing, everyone thinks that liberation means to be someone else’s plaything.

If this is the real liberation of women, then I guess the feminists still have a long way to go

Tax this!

Yes, it’s that time of the year again when the budget is out and as usual, we are disappointed. “We” is the middle class, the working section, those morons in the IT industry, the scapegoats of the economy, whatever you choose to call it.

I don’t know when it came about but historically, its always been like this. Poor people don’t have much to worry about; the only problem is that they are poor, and there are lots of government schemes to help out farmers, the ‘backward castes’ (I’m ashamed to even write the word), poor students, poor widows and poor everyone else. Rations give the privileged poor provisions; reservation gives the privileged poor positions. And if there’s no better income, Professional begging is also a big hit. And by the way, there’s no tax on begging.

On the other hand, very rich people don’t have much to worry about either: There’re lots of loop-holes to jump into to evade taxation if you’re really big in business (we’re talking big as in over hundreds of crores). You can always leave the country to get NRI status, or like many rich folks, ‘blacken’ your money. And if you have a few friends in high places here and push a few bank notes there, you’re still rocking no matter you how much income you have.

So who’s the real idiot? We the people, those pathetic, job-dependent, salary-based, dimwits who slog long hours of the day and night in front of a computer to make an ‘enviable’ salary and end up paying a third of it to taxes.

Scapegoat or concerned citizen? You decide.

Feminism, Liberation, and all that crap...

Around 4 decades ago, a movement started somewhere in the western world that promised to liberate women, break free from the bonds of domestic bondage and deliver them to a world where everyone was equal without discrimination.

Free from the confines of home, where women (especially in villages) were only allowed to do domestic work around the house and not allowed to venture outside. Free from forced marriages to big ugly brutes. Free to seek education and employment and compete outside in ‘the real world’. Yeah! Feminism had victory.

Some 40 odd years later, what do we see? Undeniably, there has been progress no doubt, but seriously… think about it.

>>When you check out women’s fashion vis-à-vis men’s what do we see? How many men wear see-through’s or clothes half their body size. How many shows do we have showcasing mens’ innerwear???

>>When we look at the world of music, what do we see? The most successful women musicians are only the most sexiest ones…

>>When we just talk about movie people, how many times have men been reduced to a set of figures like 36-26-36 except for maybe a bicep?

Look at advertising, why do most men’s products have provocative women on them?
Look at entertainment, why do most magazines have sexy artistes on the cover?
Look at television, after 11pm, any channel…

Why do you think the porn grew into the multi-billion industry it is today?

The sad truth is, our friends the feminists are no nearer their goals then they were decades ago. You can say anything you want, but the fact remains that in today’s world, women are projected as worth nothing more than an object, an item of desire and use.

I guess its time we opened our eyes to the REAL cause for women…