Bliss and beyond

This post was originally written on the 20th of February, weeks after I got married. Somehow, due to a combination of limited internet access and sheer laziness, it got delayed thus far.

“
Dear Diary,

It is currently my third week into my new life where all things seem great and wonderful – and it continues to amaze me.

I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I’m now married!!! And the past weeks have been the most beautiful days of my life.
These past weeks, me and Thayyuba have spent almost every moment of our waking hours together, talking, laughing, and whispering sweet nothings.
Actually the one thing that I keep wondering all the time now is how I lived without her in my life so far.

On a more lighter side to this whole episode (which almost everyone I know turns into a serious romantic issue), I realize there’s a whole new, different world that I haven’t known so far, and continue to learn by experience with each passing day:

1.
Marriage isn’t just about two people. Its about two families. And getting to know a whole new family right from scratch doesn’t really work the same way your weekly meet ups do.

2.
There are at least 4 types of combs and 5 different hair&face products, at least 3 of which are essential at all times.

3.
Apparently clothes are supposed to be neatly folded or ironed and stacked in rows in the wardrobe – something that my jeans and tees aren’t used to just yet.

4.
“I was just talking to this girl” is not a bright answer when asked what you were doing.
Ever.

5.
Flowers are pretty. Really.

6.
Apparently certain shoes go only with certain clothes. Again, something my pair of Adidas never realized so far.
”

Looking back at the above, I realize I haven’t really mentioned some of the more factual aspects of my adventure that happened even before my wedding.
To make a long story short, my flight blew an engine shortly before takeoff(!), got cancelled, the rebooked flight got delayed, some looney left an unattended bag leading to a bomb scare at Frankfurt Airport and I finally got to travel Business Class (and use the exclusive Dubai Business Lounge for the first time).

And yes, all of this happened within 24hrs of each other.

…And we’re back!

Yes, this blog is still alive.
And yes, I did get married. In fact, three days ago on 7th, it’s actually been TWO whole months since I tied the proverbial knot and started to share my otherwise bland life, with that one special person who adds joy and color to everything I do.
And it continues to amaze me with every passing day…

Firstly, I would like to thank you, the reader, every single person who kept coming back to The Square Circle months after it was, so to speak, down. And I’m sorry I didn’t keep up my promise of getting “back in the first week of March” (yes I did realize that thank you very much!) or even acknowledge comments. The thing is, I wanted to eagerly write a post just weeks into my marriage.
And then  the next one.
And another.

I don’t want to do the typical I-am-married-therefore-I-have-no-time thing every other guy I know does and blame my lack of blogability on my marriage or anything. I’ll admit it: I goofed up. I have no excuses.

Truth is, I have at least 6 unfinished drafts in my Open folder. I’ll get to them (and backlink them when I’m done) as soon as possible. In no particular order, they are approximately about:

~Wedding and on being married.
~My home town of Cuddalore.
~Why we love hot weather.
~Facebook.
~How to spot Indians in Frankfurt.
~Behind a bad video game.

…and other random topics of no particular interest.

I’ll get to them as soon as I can. I know its all been a long time in coming; but all I can do now is assure you:

The Square Circle is back in the game.
Play on.

Plane fear

Okay, I'll admit it: flying totally freaks me out.

Now given the fact that I do work for an airline company, hating planes isn't exactly helping my career. But while I'm not nervous about messing around with other peoples' flights, for some reason every time I'm at the airport I get butterflies in my stomach, my pulse starts to race, and I start to get anxious.

Airports are taunting, cold, mean places where no one can be trusted (would you rather watch over that loose bundle while that guy in the shabby jeans goes to the washroom?) and anyone can be a suspect.
The way airport security checks, rechecks and triple-checks everyone’s baggage, its as if anyone could be a possible attacker planning to blow up the next plane. 
And that’s not a comforting thought when you’re waiting in line.

And then there is more:
Since this whole Swine-fluenza started, anyone who so much as sneezes or coughs becomes the target of everyone’s attention and discreet avoidance.
In case you’re wondering – yes, it IS still a big deal, at least at airports. Back in April (when the whole thing started) I was on my way to Munich when I see a guy at the boarding terminal wearing a surgical facemask and holding a passport that boldly declared “Mexico”.
Understandably, there wasn’t a soul within 10meters of him in every direction.

It doesn’t end there. While I’m inside the plane, every time the flight attendant passes the meal tray over my head to the next passenger, I have this morbid fear of the tray slipping off her hand and falling on me.
And with good reason: it has happened to me.
Twice.

Somehow, economy class food-trays are so designed that they hold stuff in exactly one arrangement: the way it is when you first get it. Any other arrangement and you know the fork’s gonna fall over the salad bowl which then tips over that piece of rehydrated chicken that lands on your lap and all of hell breaks loose as you try to retrieve the fork, causing the little cup of juice to spill over the passenger next to you!

Ah, the joys of air travel…
:)

7 unique gifts for a geek

Question:
Have you ever been in that place where you need to get a gift for a certain someone, and you were fresh out of ideas?
Well I have, and I was so tired of people guessing socially acceptable gifts that I ended up making a wish-list of stuff that I’d appreciate if people got me. (Original post here)

That got me thinking…normal people get normal gifts – and they’re happy about it. But what about that poor geek who gets stuck with a bunch of boutique gift-vouchers and no clue what to do with them?
So for the benefit of all potential gifters and giftees, we present, seven geeky ideas that you can actually buy (online of course!):

1. USB spy-camcorder pen:

Okay, so maybe no one really needs a video camera built into a pen (with 4gigs of storage, I might add), but the idea is neat.

But somehow, this pen seems kinda creepy: Would you rather trust that guy from the next cubicle who leaves a stout pen on top of his computer screen that somehow seems pointed directly at you?

Hmm, not sure if all great ideas should really make it to manufacturing. But this one did, and this is proof.

2. Wi-fi detecting T-shirt:

This tee apparently comes with a built-in circuit chip that detects the presence of any wireless network and then lights up the graphics on the front accordingly.

The best thing I like about t-shirts like this (oh yes, there’s plenty more where that came from) is that it says “geek” in a very subtle way:
You probably don’t even notice anything different unless it lights up; but when it does is a head-turner!

Of course, I wouldn’t wanna wear this on a plane trip – the last thing you need is to explain to Airport Security why your tee shirt has a circuit chip inside it :)

3. Binary watch:

Actually this was something I found on the net (or on one of those endless forwarded emails) a long time ago, but I never knew they really existed – or that people actually buy them.

To cut a long story short, the upper row indicates hours and the lower row minutes – and to tell the time all you have to do is think in binary…and if you’re wondering how to do that, then this is probably not for you :)

The perfect gift for a computer programmer I’d think.

 

4. TV turn-off remote keychain:

This is one of those things that’s funnier than it looks, but then that goes by what’s your definition of “funny”.

This handy little keychain has over 400 frequencies of “off” codes pre-programmed to turn off virtually any TV, DVD and electronic device that has an infra-red port in it.
I’m not sure how well it works but the makers say it works on “99% of all TVs”.

Hmm, I wonder what people would do when they catch the guy who keeps turning off the TV right in the crucial stages of a match – at the game-bar.


5. Solar powered messenger-bag:

If it weren’t for the fact that it looks kinda lame (and costs over a 100 bucks!) I’d like to buy this messenger bag.

Not only does it scream Environmentally Friendly, but I guess this is one of those things that’s actually more useful than it is cool.

I’ve been stuck a few times with a dead phone and no charger (or, for that matter, a power outlet) for hours, and it seems to happen especially when you’re expecting a call.
Time to put sunshine to good use.

6. Water-powered clock

If you’re looking to show how green you are without lugging a weird-looking bag around – here’s an easier way to do it:
An alarm clock that’s powered by water.

I didn’t really understand how this thing is supposed to work; but apparently it’s based on some electrochemical reactions between the electrodes and the water – and produces just enough electricity for it to tell time, temperature and even wake you up!

Quite impressed by that I must say!

7. Electronic Rubik’s cube:

To be quite honest, I was never much of a puzzle freak and to this day I could never solve a rubik’s cube.
But I think part of the problem was that the traditional cube doesn’t really help once you’re stuck…that’s where this idea comes in handy:

A touch-sensitive Rubik’s Cube with colors that light up when you slide your fingers across it, allowing you to actually ‘solve’ it.
Best thing is, when you’re stuck or something, apparently it even offers hints for solving the current combination!

But I wonder if it could actually substitute for the real thing?

p.s. In case you were wondering, yes, these really are things you can actually buy – not that you’d want to buy them – but I just happened to stumble upon them one bored afternoon and realized there’s so many weird things out there…and this list is by no means even an remotely complete.

Lemme know what you think!
:)

The Germanic Language

There’s a famous joke that says that at the time of the American independence, there was much debate over which of the two – German or English – should be the official language. And that even though it was English that finally won, German did manage to make itself quite well established regardless.

I don’t doubt that for a moment. Here’s a list of normal English words I’ve come across that seem to have been directed infused from German:

kindergarten:
I guess everyone knows that the children’s playschool is actually a German word. ‘Kinder’ is German for children (singular: Kind) and ‘Garten’ is, well, a garden.

Coleslaw:
Thinly sliced cabbage in cold cream is not an American invention either. I’m thinking this was derived from ‘Kohl’ (pronounced almost exactly like ‘cole’) which is German for Cabbage.

Rucksack:
No, those backpacks aren’t American either. This comes from the German ‘Rückpack’ (with a “ü”) where ‘Rück’ means back.

Apothecary table:
This medieval table having the many compartments for storing medicinal items was made popular in Friends, but I’m not too sure how many people noticed the language it came from.
’Apotheke’ is German for a pharmacy.

And I’m sure there’s lots more where that came from, and I just wanna let you know, I’m still not done with German yet.
:)

Intelligence India

Despite everything we say about our country being backwardly progressive, apparently a lot of people in the western world think that India in general – and Indians especially – are quite bright sparks.

Here’s quite a few amusing incidents I’ve experienced/found to this effect:

Last June, I happened to sit next to an old German guy on the plane back to Frankfurt from Dubai and we got talking.
He first asked me if I was Arab (I don’t know why, a lot of people have asked me that; starting to wonder if I don’t look Indian enough) and when I said I wasn’t; and that I was from India, he only had one thing on the top of his mind:
”Ah India, you must be a computer programmer then?”

* * *

I was out at dinner with some people from work last month to bid farewell to some colleagues from Argentina. Of course, as the lot involved several colorful nationalities (we had Indian, German, Argentinean, and Spanish speaking people with us that night) the conversation undoubtedly turned towards languages and culture.
That’s when one guy asked me if Indians were supposedly good with programming because;
”Your native languages follow a grammatical structure similar to a programming syntax”

After I nearly rolled over with laughter, I began to wonder if it really could be my bad Tamil grammar that’s causing all the bugs in my programs.

* * *

The character from the comic-strip Dilbert once remarked on the intellectual ability of Indians and their suitability for outsourcing projects. As he presents his report, the first option on his list was,
“highly educated Indians who speak perfect English”

…who were of course finally not chosen because they were also quite “pricey”. :D

* * *

In the recent (2009) animated movie Monsters vs. Aliens, in the scene where the top of the US armed forces meet and realize how bad the situation really is, the US President shouts at an underling,
“We need our top scientific minds on this. Get me India on the phone!”

* * *

Apparently there’s a lot more to India then people imagine.
And if the above is any indication to go by, then I’m only too happy to be part of it.
:)

Chromatic thoughts...

“Looking at the world though rosy glasses is usually just a pigment of your imagination”

The recession and me

I hate to admit it, but the effects of the world-wide economic disaster are slowly starting to show up in our everyday lives…in places we least expect to find.

To start with, I’ve never bothered much about this whole financial fiasco because,
a) I don’t own any stocks, shares or other ridiculous make-lots-of-money-by-simply-waiting products, and
b) because let’s face it… It’s not like it’s the end of the world or anything; I mean statistically speaking, so far more people have died in car accidents last year than because of this ‘crisis’. Heck, I think global warming is a bigger deal than this, and you don’t hear a lot of noise about that!

Now don’t get me wrong. Almost every person I know, knows at least someone who’s either lost their job or on forced-sabbatical. And just for the record, I work for less pay than I did last year too, so there.

And another part of these drastic measures every business, financial organization, and academic institutes use is the introduction of ‘cost-cutting’ measures. In plain English, it means they try to find places where money is wasted and try to minimize it….such as free-coffee-after-seven schemes, or that free bus ride from your office to the nearest public transport, and even those complimentary vouchers you’re entitled to.

And here, in the picture below, is the lousiest example of cost-cutting I’ve seen so far:



Shown above are billing invoices from a popular online store (I’ve deliberately blurred it and masked the name for obvious reasons; if you can still read it – good for you – but please don’t tell them. The last thing I need right now is legal trouble)

The one on the left is the regular A4 sized invoice everyone knows and what we used to get until a few months ago.
The little scrap on the right, at less than half the regular size (even the width has been trimmed) and written in such tiny fonts that your eyes hurt, is the new invoice I got with my stuff this evening.

Now I’m not too sure if there’s another logical explanation behind this, but given the current scenario I’m willing to bet that some genius at the billing department there decided they’re wasting too much paper on the invoices – so what if customers get tiny, hard-to-read invoices – all that matters is that there’s now 60% less paper they need to send customers. Besides, customers probably just throw them away anyway.

Which gets interesting when you think about it. When Greenpeace shouted their voice hoarse over deforestation and saving paper; I don’t know how many people thought about it. And yet when the cash register starts ringing trouble, every means possible become perfectly acceptable.

Hmm, wonder how much did they save on the rest of my invoice?

"This only is our English!"

Let’s face it…we as Indians, live all over the world, with vast majorities in the United States, UK, the Middle East and Australia, and in smaller minorities in the rest of Europe and Asia.
We belong to multiple religions and share diverse cultures. We indulge in diverse cuisines and speak different languages; but one thing unites us all, and that is, how we speak our beloved English language.

A collection of the most common sentences we hear from our comrades living all over the world…and the sheer confusion it causes.


“Back home, I had a two-wheeler”
(Exactly what kind of wheelie is that?)


“I think it is over costly”
(Firstly, what’s expensive isn’t ‘costly’…and two, what’s over it?)


“Is it veg or non-veg?”
(I’ve never failed to have fun with this typical yes-I-am-from-India dialog)


“It was on that street, na?”
(Na…I don’t think so)


“Who and all went there, I don’t know”
(The “and all” adds a desi touch to any statement don’t you think?)


“So only you told him, but he will not listen, isn’t it?”
(If you understood this, congratulations!)


“No, not vacation; I’m going to my native.”
(Another classic that leaves heads spinning)


“I used to go to office by auto, sometimes share-auto”
(To be honest, I’m not sure if anyone outside India will ever understand this one)


“I’m sure he can able to do this one”
(No comments on this, please)


“Tastes very good; especially with brinjal fry”
(I don’t know why, but most Asian vegetables aren’t known in the western world. And our “brinjal” has at least two other names.)


“Sorry, but she is out of station”
(She's out of where?)


“So, where are you put up?”
(Bad enough that I have to put up with this statement, he means to ask where you live)


“Binesh sir is not here – can you call later?”
(Okay, so he’s respected, but surely this guy Binesh is not knighted?)


"Right now I'm taking food"
(...and where are you taking it?)


"What is your good name?"
(Er...you mean like I also have a bad one?)


"Since extra work came up, my evening plans went for a toss"
(Cricket-inspired jargon. Another reason I hate that game)

…and there’s probably a ton more - I just can't think of any more for the fear my head might explode. And to all you non-Indians reading this and smirking at us…yes, English is our language too.

And we will speak it like this only.
:-)

Bad Hair Day

Lesson to learn:
If there’s an empty hair-salon right across the street from two more that are fully packed – there’s probably a reason why it’s empty.
And its reason enough not to go there.

Unfortunately for me, I found that out the hard way.


To start with a bit of history; I’ve always had wild hair for as long as I can remember. And because I’ve never bothered much about it, now that I look back at my high school photographs; I really had a bad mess of spikes sticking up from my head most of the time.

Actually it mostly wasn’t really my fault – at almost every place I’ve been to, I’ve been told that my hair is the type that likes to stand on end.
Back when I was living in Chennai, I once discovered this promising-looking place and walked in:

“Good evening sir, what kind of haircut would you like?” asked a rather professional-looking guy.

“Um, I don’t know…any way you can change my hair style?”

“Sure sir, would you like spikes?”

(Dude, this was something I was born with…why on earth would I want spikes again?)
“Er…no, I have a day job you see”

“Well then, how about leaving it long at the ends?”

(Say what? To cut it short was the reason I was here in the first place!) 
“No. Anything else?”

“Sorry sir, your hair is kinda – “

“Yeah, I know. Just give me a regular haircut, okay?”


Anyway, that was two years ago, and I’ve learnt to live with my unique hair-ability and not to mess too much with it since then. And getting to the present, at the regular place where I now go to, I opt for the ‘normal’ cut (because for some strange reason, a “short” translates to getting your head shaved!) and hope that the guy understands a couple of words in English so I can tell him when to stop.

The place I went to today however, had a rather severe-looking guy; ran the machine though my head like a lawn-mower, taking too much off the sides, and then gives me this weird look that says,
“Gee it looks fine on this side, but somehow kind of different on the other.”

And as I sit in my room typing all this, my hair currently looks like a fuzz ball that’s just been through a blow dryer in a car wash.

And despite my efforts with tubes of gel; this is probably something that only time will heal.
:)

Indian girls are LOUD!

Er…no offense to any of the ladies but I’m sorry, this is something that gets me annoyed every single time I get on the bus for groceries on my way home from work.

I guess its fair game to state that we as Indians are known for our ‘social’ nature; we chat with perfect strangers on trains and busses, play games and sing songs during fun college trips, even play games that involve singing songs and the like; but I think its only right that living in a foreign land means showing a bit of respect for the local culture.

In this case; the fact that the only things Germans are fond of on public transport are reading or staring out at the window with the earphones plugged in.

Anyway, every time I take the bus – the 72 towards Russelsheim – I almost feel like I’m back in India the moment I step in.
This bus is half full of girls (alright, women!) chatting away non-stop in Hindi, usually with a Bollywood song playing in the background from someone’s I-wanna-flaunt-it mobile phone. More often than not, there’s one member of the party stuck in the middle of the bus, but not that this stops these girls (women, okay!) from shouting out to them halfway across the bus, as if the rest of us were stone deaf or something.

And I’m no expert, but I'm guessing people think they can be loud just because apparently no one else understand a word of Hindi.
Well I’ve got news for them:
People know exactly what they mean because, though I didn’t wanna say it this way, the Hindi (or Tamil) we speak, is so far out from the original and has so many English words that anyone can get a fairly good idea of what’s going on.

I mean come on, when you point to someone and say,
“Dhek, uski eye color blue hai”,
…it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure what you’re talking about!

The height of this fiasco is reached when the bus gets to the stop of their hotel and some of them realize they’re already there only when the first half of the party is already outside, and then jumps back in to shout out to the rest to get off. Seriously, I’ve seen circus clowns less hilarious than this!

I think that just because we’re a social lot doesn’t give us the right to abuse upon those of others – and create a thoroughly negative impact on our culture in the process.

I’d also like to think of this as social service, so in case you know someone who’s loud, I please suggest that you print this out, and leave it on their desk or someplace they’d see it.

Particularly  if they happen to work in the Avionics Training Center in Kelsterbach and take the RMV 72 to Mercure Wings Hotel, Raunheim at 5:42PM everyday.

I’d really appreciate if they could read this.J

Very Punny

"What should I write" I was thinking all night, when suddenly, it dawned on me!

(p.s. This was my quickest post ever; usually I spend hours, sometimes days thinking on a post. This one happened in less than 3minutes...hurray for anti-boredom!)

Getting "Bushed"

I guess it’s been all over the news more times than necessary that the outgoing US President George Bush was thrown a pair of shoes at during a press conference in Iraq. In case you missed the news, here’s a link.

Now, putting the serious and insulting nature of the issue aside, I’d like to take this as an opportunity to introduce a new phrase into English; and I really hope this catches on.

I mean after all, not so long ago, when J.K. Rowling introduced us to the world of Magic and Muggles, hey the Oxford English dictionary brought that out and officially introduced the word in 2003!

So here’s my contribution to the world of words in our beloved language:

Bushed [bůshΔ] (verb):
The act of throwing footwear at a person, either individually or in a group, with the intention of insulting or otherwise humiliating the person; see also Getting-[v]: being a victim of such an act; [v]-ing: throwing footwear, esp. as a form of occur disrespect and the highest level of insult towards the subject.

Here’s a few examples:

When the burglar broke into the barn, he took off after the boys bushed him with leather boots.
The local judge ordered the shoplifter to be tarred, feathered and bushed.
“If you do that again, I’ll bush you in front of the entire village” threatened the town Elder.

Although I must say, something like “The president was bushed” does sound a tad bit too insulting. But I guess that’s the way a language grows :D